5 responses to “Page from: Scott M. Brings Plenty | Cherokee One Feather

  1. Consider leaving the word “leaving” out of the hed. A legacy by definition is something one leaves behind, so it’s redundant.

    I’m not a fan of indented pullquotes. (BTW, “lifelong” is one word.) Also, the attribution is too close to the body text. You’d be better off flush-righting it, as Ed suggests, so that it echoes the uneven-left quality of the hed/deck hed. Consider bumping up the point size substantially so there’s not so much white space above it. Negative space is a lovely thing, but there’s too much of it here.

    The cutout of Kinsland is a good idea, but look at the photos below: You’ve got three out of five photos of people (and two out of five of Kinsland) at a microphone. I would enlarge the cutout so that the face is much larger and we can’t see the microphone.

    I would also fudge the body text so that it winds up even at the bottom of the third column (and does away with that trapped pocket of white space).

  2. Tim makes a great point: The headline “A Legacy of Service” has much more impact and is fewer words (always a plus) AND can be run much larger for more impact.

    To me, indented pull quotes are a no-no, and again Tim’s point is well taken that it is too close to the body text. The good use of white space above the pull quote is negated by the tight use of the pull quote. Try centering it – that may work better for you.

    The byline could be effective in the white space to the left of the body in the center of that space.

    Ed’s point about the glasses is on the money – especially in a photo this large.

    The bottom photos could all be cropped more effectively and the black background behind them is too heavy – creates too much weight at the bottom of the layout. The larger main head with fewer words will help that, but I think the black background should go away.

    As Tim suggested, play with your type and get it to even out at the bottom so it runs around the cutout photo. Wider gutters would help that and create more white space.

    The placement of the head/subhead relative to the page elements is haphazard.

    Looks like the first line indents in the graphs are 2-3 picas – is that a style you use? It’s too large in my book. 1.5 picas on a spread like this is all I would go and my normal is 1 pica.

  3. Scott M. Brings Plenty

    Thanks guys for your help. You true professionals always think of things that us newby designers never think of (i.e. cutting out the glasses)…I made some changes and will send Ed the finished copy later this week. Thanks again…it’s really nice to be able to get some true feedback.

  4. I like the use of the ‘filmstrip’ look for the fotos on the bottom of the page. I have one suggestion on the subhead – delet the word ‘officially’. That’s a crutch word: He’s either retiring or not. If he’s one of those people who has retired numerous times and keeps returning, but this time he’s ready to spend his days fishing or whatever, then a creative subhead could reflect that.

  5. We have people that retire and keep returning so we say they are “officially” retired here. :)

    I’m interested in seeing the corrected version. I agree with most comments here, except the black bar at the bottom. I think it anchors the page and if you made your headline less words and bigger, it will even out the weight a little more.

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