THIS WEEK, SCOTT “OWNS” THE BLOG, with three pages submitted—and one very intriguing request. We’ll get to Scott’s request in the next post. The pages—and Ed’s comments—follow Scott’s brief note.
FROM SCOTT: Ed, hope all is well. Here’s a few pages for consideration. Thanks, Scott
1. I assume your readers know what EBCI is…but I have no idea.
2. The headline does little to draw me into the story. Perhaps it tells the story, but there’s nothing in it that intrigues me. I’d try a more feature approach, perhaps:
QUILT of VALOR
…then an underline
that tells the story
3. I sure would like to see a photo of the quilt. After all…isn’t that what this story is all about? I wanted to see what it looked like.
4. Can’t say for sure, but it looks like the text type is too wide. Certainly, the caption is.
1. I don’t think downsizing “Program” in the headline works. It looks like a mistake.
2. Too much space at the end of the headline. It’s distracting.
3. Did you consider running the photo so her head went over the line in the page label? A larger visual here would have given the page more focus and more impact.
4. It would really work better to place her left foot just a bit over the bottom rule, so it looks like she’s on the ground. Here, she appears to be levitating.
1. I wonder if there’s any photo duller than a signing photo. Yes, it’s a good idea to run it, but perhaps a lot smaller.
2. I like the treatment of the outlined photo. Works very nicely.
3. Did you consider running an couple of photos of this kid in action? You have the space for at least one more pic here.
4. I like to treat pull quotes like headlines, using only single quotes. Same for the previous page
5. You have the paragraph indents from hell! Why are they indented so much? All you should need is about 8 points or a bit more.
Even with these negatives, Scott, it’s obvious you’re growing and improving with every issue. Keep at it!
That’s the end of Ed’s say-so. How about the rest of you? What advice would you give Scott to improve these pages?