WHEN WE LEFT OFF two weeks ago, we were in the middle of evaluating pages Genny had submitted. Here’s another half-dozen, with comments from Ed below each. Time for y’all to get back into the mix, too…Ed is feeling kinda lonely here without some comments from you. So…Jump in!
1. Teaser in the top left corner doesn’t offer any information other than the page number. Readers need more than than to help them decide they want to go to that page.
2. Section letter in top right is very big…but at least it’s tinted back so it doesn’t call too much attention to itself.
3. Let’s get the word “SECTION” out of the vertical set, please. We read left to right, not top to bottom.
4. Why is the McCloud head all-caps? If you can’t offer a valid design reason, don’t do it.
5. All heads are virtually the same size and photos are almost the same size, too. This gives readers no sense of where yhey are to go first on the page. What’s the lead package?
1. All heads except for “Vendor spaces…” are very close in size.
2. Why is top photo notched into the 1st and 4th columns? To fill? Not a good practice. If your story is a bit short, use a drop head or a pullout…don’t “pull” the photo larger to fill space. It damages the structure of the package.
3. “Grants” head is six lines. That’s two more lines than I allow in my designs. If you have to write more to have the headline make sense, try three lines of head, then two lines of subhead. If you can’t say it in that space, take a break and come back to it later.
4. What happened to the vertical rule to the left of the Grant story? Ooops.
1. Nice teaser photo, but the wording leaves me flat. Work for something more exciting, enticing, interesting. Have fun with teaser wording. How about: “Flowers? You want flowers? We got ’em at the Dunsmuir show!”
2. Why is the caption overlaying the photo in the autism story? Just because it would fit better that way? In this case, the caption is distracting and detracts from an otherwise good photo.
3. New VP photo could have been cropped more tightly. I really want to see the face, not the shoulders and chest.
4. Just noticed on this page that you are not aligning text to the baseline grid. That’s a basic that you need to start doing ASAP.
1. Ouch! This section flag needs a complete overhaul. It’s too busy, with too many elements vying for attention.
2. Why use the word “Page” in the folio? It’s unnecessary.
3. There are about three or four photos here of similar size. Which one is the lead photo? Make it larger.
4. Teaser to the web photo galleries seems out of place, too dominant.
1. Good top photo but…
2. Too many photos on the page, with too much going on. The page is much too busy. I have little idea of where you want me to go. You may be trying too hard.
1. Wresting photo may be the most unappealing shot I’ve seen in a long time. I would have tried to lead with the basketball photo.
2. A better sense of hierarchy on this page.
3. I don’t understand why you use horizontal rules between packages…but not vertical rules. Is there some reasoning there that I’m missing?
Whew! That’s it from me. How about the rest of you? Thoughts for Genny?